THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS: episode 21

Chapter 11

New Florin (continued…)

Archard and Quidest hopped out of the boat and pulled it up onto the beach.

“Well,” she said, spotting the tips of two structures above the trees. “I suppose he must be up there somewhere.”

“Yes, let’s try there first. With luck we will find Kadir himself, and not have to deal with any of his men beforehand.”

“Pirates are fools, they’re easy enough to dupe if you know their type.”

Archard smiled. “Yes, of course, but Kadir is not. Perhaps you should do the talking?”

“With pleasure.” She smiled, picked up her skirts, and stepped over the rocks and onto a path.

Archard nodded. As she passed, he gripped his sword hilt.


Inigo watched them through the spyglass as they ascended the small slope and disappeared behind a canopy of palm trees. He then turned his attention to the grand pirate ship. He saw a few men lounging on deck but little activity.

“How many do you suppose are on board?” he asked Westley.

“I would imagine at least twenty, perhaps not more than fifty,” he murmured through his own spyglass.

“That seems rather low for a ship of that size,” Trajan said.

“The fewer the number, the larger the share of the booty,” Westley answered. “Besides, pirates are transient by nature, and not the healthiest lot on earth. The turnover is constant.”

Trajan paced, anxious. “Do you suppose they’ll arrange something today?”

Inigo looked at him. “They’ll have to find him first. From what Archard says, this Kadir will relish the challenge. Patience, son.” Inigo turned his glass back to the trees. “You will soon have your revenge.”


Under the darkness of the jungle, Archard and Quidest could practically drink the air that was trapped under the treetops. They stepped over sand traps, shooed small reptilian beasts out of their way, and Archard more than once sliced the head off of a snake that snapped at them from dangling vines. After an hour, Quidest stopped short. In front of them stood two pirates roasting a small creature on a spit.

Archard nudged her as if to say you first and smiled.

Quidest pursed her lips and took a deep breath before bellowing in an Australian accent, “Aw crikey, when will this blasted trail end. I’m starving! Oh, wait now!”

The pirates jumped at the intrusion and turned to face her, fumbling for their knives with confused looks.

“What thar? Where’d you come from?”

“Dahling, look!” Quidest rushed toward the fire, kneeling and admiring the cooking meat. “This’ll do right plumply. We’ll join you, yes?”

The pirates cocked their heads, still taking in the situation.

“Oh,” Archard smiled, “yes, of course there is plenty to go around. It smells delicious.”

“Hey now,” the pirates said with gritted teeth.

“What is it, boar, rat?” Quidest asked as she stood and locked her arm within one of the pirate’s and patted him on the back of the hand that brandished his knife. Her voice was slower now, soothing. “Let us sit and eat together. We’ve come a right long way, and though I don’t want to keep Roberts waiting, I gotta eat something or I’ll fall over.”

“Roberts?” one said, even more confused. “What know you of Roberts?”

“My lads,” Archard said, “Milady here is an associate of his and has traveled a great distance to meet him in this place. He is up there, is he not?”

“He is. But he said nothing of you two.”

“Our meeting is…what’s the word dear?” she asked Archard, still patting the pirate’s hand.

“Clandestine,” Archard said, tapping the side of his nose.

The pirates stared, still confused.

“A smaller word, dear.”

“Secret.”

“Ah,” the pirates smiled, and put away their knives.

“Now, after we’ve had a bit of lunch,” Archard said taking a bottle of wine from his bag, “what do you say you chaps escort us to your master?” The pirates bared toothless grins while watching him uncork the bottle. Then Archard sat, retrieved two fancy golden goblets from his satchel, and poured the wine into them. “Well then,” he handed the pirates the gold cups, “let us drink to a long career of piracy and conquest,” and he swigged from the bottle while the pirates gulped their portions.

“Another?” Archard winked.


Soon the pirates were stumbling along the path, shoulders locked together, singing as they led the way. Once the direction became clear, Archard stopped. “Good sirs, this is well far enough for me. You’ve been most gracious guides and we can go on from here. Milady?”

“Oh,” Quidest said, patting one of the pirates on the cheek, “I suppose. Do have a rest now, boys. Perhaps we’ll find you here later on.”

The pirates fell down, laughing and burping. “Right ho, Milady! He’s right in there.”

Quidest rolled her eyes at Archard and they walked toward the dilapidated chateau.

“Masterful,” Archard said.

“Thank you. But you’d best do the talking from here on out.”

Archard walked with slow confidence. He made a point of not making eye contact with the two pirates standing outside the entrance and quickened his step to walk right past them while fidgeting to put on his gloves. Quidest walked confidently beside him.

As they passed, the pirates scanned them up and down but said nothing. Rather, they shared a look with one another, and followed them.

Archard and Quidest felt their presence a few steps behind, but kept on. They moved past other pirates, seven in all by Archard’s count, and every one of them eyed the newcomers with rough stares, rising to their feet. A few more steps and they turned a corner right into a small room with four men, almost bumping into the closest one.

Archard immediately recognized Kadir standing a full head above the others. He looked much older than when Archard had last seen him. His red beard was longer, and he had a large scar on his face and another on his neck, both of which Archard was surprised to see. He wore a thick stained leather tunic and stood with his arms crossed. 

The four men turned to face Archard and Quidest, startled, and two of them made to draw their swords. Archard saw these were not pirates, possibly merchants and though armed, not threatening.

He turned his attention to Kadir, smiled, and said in a gay voice, “Roberts, I’ve found you at last. Pardon the intrusion, but have you a moment to grant an audience to an old friend?” Archard removed his hat, bowed, then raised and locked eyes with Kadir, smiling.

Archard kept his smile but knew something wasn’t right.

Kadir’s eyes widened and he looked toward the other pirate. Archard followed his gaze, and recognized alarm on his face as well.

Archard’s smile faded, and Quidest now turned to inspect the pirates who were closing in behind them.

“Sirs –” Archard began.

“Why does he call you Roberts? What is this?” one of the merchants bellowed.

The other merchant drew his sword and attempted to point it at the pirate next to him, the one Kadir had shared a look with, but that pirate drew his own sword with dazzling speed, disarmed the man faster than one could blink, and slashed him through the heart.

Kadir punched the other merchant with such force it sent him unconscious through the air, and leaving Archard and Quidest standing still as statues.

Archard dared not draw his sword.  

Kadir and the other pirate shared a look and then turned their attention back to Archard. From behind him the pirates murmured to one another until one of them asked, “Yeah, how about it? Why did he call you Roberts?”

Archard looked at Kadir and smiled.

Kadir put his fist into Archard’s face, who fell backward, knocked out cold.


Come back Monday to meet the current Dread Pirate Roberts, and see how he deals with Archard…and the rest of them.

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