An Assortment Of Pirates (continued…)
“Thank you,” Westley said, taking a crossbow from a deckhand.
A volley of arrows flew past them, mostly overshooting the ship entirely but for two that stuck in the beams. The pirate ship rammed them with a glancing blow that caused everyone on both ships to stumble.
Pirates tossed grappling hooks onto Westley’s ship as other swung onto it by ropes, and still others threw ladders across the narrowing expanse. A horde charged across it.
Trajan fought the first pirate who swung across, dispatching him before his feet even touched the deck. To his left, another swung a spiked club at his head, but he ducked out of the way as Westley thrust a sword into the attacker.
“So sorry,” he offered to the fallen pirate as Westley pulled the sword from his chest, then turned to face another. With three swift motions he struck down two more with an accompanying, “Goodbye now.”
“Come on! Come!” Inigo urged the pirates who flooded across, from his position at the end of the largest ladder. He took out a pirate with a quick upstroke, then another on his downstroke. He moved to his right as the pirates continued to invade, and soon had his back to Westley’s. They were quickly swarmed, and Trajan retreated several steps to the port side of the ship. A slight panic rose in him as Inigo and Westley disappeared within a crowd of pirates and still more leaped and swung aboard.
It was at that moment that Trajan first noticed someone was singing a jaunty tune near him. Archard jumped onto a crate with a short pirate sword in each hand and took out two men – his own sword had still not left its sheath. He stopped his song long enough to say, “Trajan, lad. Move to your left a little,” but Trajan was tackled by large pirate. “Too late,” he shook his head, “You must learn to be more nimble.”
Losing his sword in the scuffle, the pirate straddled Trajan, punched him twice in the face and pulled back for a finishing blow. It never landed, as Inigo pierced him from the side then kicked him away from Trajan. “There now. Back to it,” Inigo smiled and rushed away.
Trajan reeled from the blows and struggled to get back to his feet, searching for his next foe. He watched Inigo and Westley cutting down pirates in one direction, and in the other Quidest had retreated up the stairs and was sniping pirates from her elevated position. A deckhand calmly reloaded for her.
Westley moved to the bow, fencing two pirates at once. He dispatched them both and, noticing Trajan, he bowed to him and then engaged another.
A pirate swung down from the ropes and nearly landed on top of Trajan, who scrambled and struck him with a blow. Another heavier pirate began taking broad strokes at him with a wide cutlass and Trajan spun to avoid them. He disarmed him and they locked eyes. He suddenly heard Pilbrick’s voice in his head.
Show no mercy. Give no quarter. As soon as you drop your guard, a pirate will pull some clever trick and you’ll be dead before you know what happened.
But now, faced with the matter, the Guilderian gentlemen in him found he was unable to finish off an unarmed man.
“Surrender,” he said, pointing his sword at the pirate’s chest.
The battle raged around them. Distracted by the numerous threats, Trajan took his eyes off the pirate for a millisecond. The brigand swirled around on his knees, pulled two daggers out of his boots and was upon Trajan from behind, slashing at his back. Trajan reeled in pain but before he could react the pirate fell dead next to him.
“You really must consider sharpening your blade, my good chap,” Archard said to the fallen pirate. Then turning to Trajan, he said, “You had him dead to rights, you know. Show no quarter to these types.”
“Yes, I…I hesitated.”
“And got a right good sting for the courtesy,” Archard examined Trajan’s back. “No time to bleed now, I’m afraid.” He stood casually in spite of the clang of swords all around them and asked, “Has anyone ever taught you how to fight pirates?”
Trajan was utterly distracted by the chaos. “Yes, I think,” he said, fending off another attack as Archard watched. Trajan killed his foe and was surprised to see Archard taking a bite of an apple. “I just…he was unarmed.”
“Was he?” Archard teased, tossing away the apple core. “Pirates are never unarmed, my lad. If they have teeth – or tooth, as is equally likely – they will kill you with it.”
“Yes,” Trajan admitted, huffing from exertion. “I understand that now.”
“If you’ve finished your snack, would you care to join us?” Quidest asked from above.
Across the deck they could hear shouting. “I am Inigo Montoya! You come at me with toothpicks!” punctuated with the chimes of his blade as the bodies piled up around him.
Two pirates rushed Archard and Trajan, and they paired off. Something caught Archard’s eye and he paused in mid stroke, looking at his pirate’s feet.
“Those are wonderful boots. Did you obtain them in the Orient?”
The pirate grumbled and looked at his own feet.
“I might try those on if you’ll not be needing them later,” Archard said, finishing him off.
Trajan locked onto his adversary, surprised that the man could fence almost as well as he. It took almost a full minute to dispatch him, after which he scanned for the next foe and saw two chasing Quidest as she ran below deck, but another came up on Trajan.
“Inigo!” Trajan pointed to her just before blocking the pirate’s blow.
Inigo acknowledged and ran in that direction but was hampered by more blocking his way.
In the galley, Quidest was cornered. She lowered her scimitar and put her hand on her hip.
“Gentlemen, I implore you to consider your predicament.”
The mostly toothless pirates laughed. “What predicament?”
“That you’re fighting a hopeless battle against some of the most dangerous men who ever sailed. Haven’t you noticed how many of your comrades they’ve already slain? Take a look,” and she motioned up toward the stairs.
The pirates looked over their shoulders in that direction.
“Now be good chaps and surrender, and I’ll make sure you get a hot meal for a change.” She turned and began to stir her soup.
The pirates looked at each other and sniffed the aroma from the pot.
Inigo’s sword slashed them both to the floor as Quidest casually stirred the pot. “Thank you, dear,” she said not looking up from her work. “It did take you rather longer than I’d hoped, though.”
“There were four men in my way!”
“I forgive you, my love.” She added a pinch of salt to the pot. “How much longer do you plan to play with your friends up there?”
Inigo looked up to the deck and the battle, “I think…perhaps ten more minutes?”
“Okay. Do hurry it up though.”
Back on deck, Archard, Westley, and Trajan were backing the remaining pirates up against the starboard railing.
One pirate slipped to his right, blocked Trajan’s sword with his crossed knives and kicked Trajan in the stomach, buckling him over and slashing his sword away. Trajan rolled and kicked the pirate’s legs out from under him, making him drop one of his knives. The two men wrestled, the remaining knife between them, but the pirate’s strength was much greater than Trajan’s.
Inigo stepped up on deck and almost stepped on him. He kicked the pirate in the head, allowing Trajan to wrench the knife away. He tossed it overboard and regained his feet and his sword but Inigo had already finished the job.
Westley saw them and smiled, then lowered his sword to address the remaining pirates.
“Let us have a pause, shall we?”
The pirates blinked.
“Now, go ahead and catch your breath. We will be happy to take your surrender and consider terms. Do you agree?”
At the word surrender, the pirates raised a rough cry. “Never!”
“Good fellows. We have you surrounded.” Archard laughed and motioned for the pirates to turn around.
The twelve pirates turned and saw a slightly overweight old man and a wounded, bloody lad facing them with swords drawn. They scoffed.
“Pity.” Westley leveled his sword. “Well, Trajan, my lad. I tried to reason with them.”
“Yes,” Trajan shouted back. “I see that.”
Archard and Westley clashed swords with two pirates, then two more, always moving the remaining pirates backward.
On the other side, Trajan and Inigo did the same so that the circle of twelve pirates slowly subtracted into a smaller circle of eight, then an even smaller circle of four. Finally, only two were left for Westley and Trajan, and Archard and Inigo lowered their blades.
Westley paused. “Ahem.” He gestured for the pirate to look around.
The pirate paused and saw he and his companion were the only two left. Archard bowed and smiled. Inigo wiped his blade and shook his head. Trajan paused his attack.
The pirate patted his companion on the back, and he also paused. They shared a look of fear and then leaped over the edge and back onto their own ship.
Inigo rolled his eyes and followed them, casually stepping across the ladder to the pirate ship.
“Shall we assist him?” Westley asked Archard after wiping his own blade and watching Inigo slowly descend below the pirate ship’s deck.
“Board a pirate ship?” Archard said, incredulous. “I should think not. I’d hate to imagine how their foul smells would taint this jacket.” Archard brushed his sleeve.
“You’re right, of course,” Westley agreed.
They watched as Inigo moved the pirates back up on deck at sword point, then across the ladder between the ships.
“So he spared a couple, at least,” Trajan said.
“Oh, not remotely,” Westley answered. “We just need someone to clean up this mess.”
Inigo supervised the remaining pirates as they tossed their fallen comrades overboard, as his own deck hands were busy dousing buckets of water over the bloody timbers.
“Now how about that chardonnay?” Archard asked.
“Noooo, I think a perhaps a pinot noir would pair better with the oily fish appetizer we had earlier,” Westley said, and patted Archard on the back.
“Ah yes, you are my superior in all things. Come, Trajan, let us not spoil this day with the stench of dead pirate.” Archard paused as he looked up. “Isn’t that cloud formation overhead lovely?” They disappeared toward the galley.
“What will we do with the prisoners when they’re finished cleaning?” Trajan asked Westley quietly.
“Likely send them back to their ship…and set fire to it.”
Trajan stared at the men and wondered exactly how his father had died, whether it was in valiant battle against pirates like these or in a more ruthless manner. He felt no pity for the pirates he’d killed; the men undoubtedly had the blood of many, possibly hundreds, on their hands. But neither did he gain any solace from the justice dispensed on them. He watched them toss the bodies overboard and thought about his father, his mother, and his siblings. “Yes,” he agreed. “Burn it,” and Trajan went to the galley as well.
<< Previous episode Next episode >>
Do you like what you’ve read so far? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think. Nerds, check out The Nerd Cuts, where I take movies that fell flat for one reason or another and fix them with better endings, including Avengers: Endgame, La La Land, The Terminator franchise and more.
Follow me on Telegram, Substack, Truth Social, and Gab.