Buy N Large: Your Very Best Friend

A mostly true story:

A- Thank you much for sharing your concerns with me. I am being happy to solve this problem for you.

V- Great.

A- It looks like the shipment is all set to be shipped to you in two weeks. Isn’t that great!

V- Not exactly. I paid $30 for two-day shipping, and it’s already been seven days.

A- Yes I can confirm that. Good news! Your Prime membership has brought the price down to $21.79. Would you like me to reorder the item and refund you the difference? This will reset the shipment of course, and send in three weeks.

V- How is that helpful if it takes me a week longer?

A- It doesn’t. Would you like to proceed?

V- No, and can I please speak with a manager about this?

A- You mean you would like me to washing my hand of you and pass your situation off to a subordinate manager?

V- To a manager, yes.

A- Absolutely!!

(Five minutes later)

A- Okay I will be transferring you to a customer service team leader. Thank you for letting me pass you off. Bye Bye.

(Five more minutes)

A- Hello, vinceguerra@gmail.com, I have reviewed your situation and can confirm there is nothing I can do for you. How may I assist you?

V- I’d like my item to be sent two-day air like I paid for.

A- No.

V- What do you mean, No? I paid $30 for shipping. The item only costs $2.00.

A- Yes that is correct.

V- So send it.

A- Unfortunately we have no control over shipments. Would you like me to cancel the order?

V- How does that help me?

A- It doesn’t.

V- What can you do to get me my shipment?

A- Nothing. I can cancel it though.

V- I don’t want to cancel it, I need it. Can you at least compensate me for the wait?

A- Absolutely. I will being happy to give you a $5.00 credit to you next order.

V- I give up. Sure, I’ll take the credit.

A- Thank you for letting me know that. I am happy to now be leaving you to spread further joy to others. Have a wonderful morning Mr. vinceguerra@gmail.com. And thank you again for letting me not help you.

Author: Vince Guerra

Vince Guerra is a writer, author, and homeschool father of eight. He writes weekly here and on Substack. He is the author of the Modern War series of books, available online wherever books are sold. He lives in Wasilla, Alaska.