“I was just so busy.” Are you hearing this a lot? Are you saying this a lot? It’s quite true; it’s called normal life. Everyone is busy. Too busy.
I’ve been fortunate to pray for a number of friends lately. Without exception, the first thing they mention is being busy, almost overwhelmed to the point of burnout. And just as lack of sleep will cause us to make critical errors, overwork can cause personal devastation to ourselves and others.
Overwork hampers our communication, harms our bodies, strains our marriages, marginalizes our kids, and alienates our friends.
Sorry I didn’t write you back. I was just so busy.
We should totally get together, it’s just been so busy lately.
We can do better.
There was a time when methods of communication were inconsistent and unreliable. Those days are long gone. Technology has undercut our ability to avoid each other, and we really have no excuses left. The post office still loses letters, ships still sink with their cargo, and earthquakes occasionally take out a cell tower or two, but we can always find a way to communicate…if we want to.
These days most of us have a small computer in our pocket. It’s computation power is 1300 times faster than the devices our parents had. We can video stream a live message to the other side of the planet — outside our planet, even. We can receive a text or email, read it, and reply — even with a video — in the same amount of time needed to go to the bathroom. Heck, you can even do it while going to the bathroom.
But I was just too busy! Hogwash.
We weren’t too busy to spend five minutes watching a video of a guy whacking a hornet’s nest with his drone, but we can’t acknowledge a friend with a five second text?
The truth is we forgot about it, or avoided it, because there are so many internet mouths to feed.
I read a lot of history. A few years back I started reading primary source documents. I wanted to read the letters, speeches, public documents, etc, for myself, unfiltered by the biases of historians. I soon discovered this is very boring — you will enjoy Steven Ambrose’s account of Lewis and Clark in his Undaunted Courage much more than Meriweather Lewis’s journal — but reading all this personal correspondence taught me something about that era’s priorities.
They always seemed to appreciate each other’s time. John Adams was busy but he made time to write people back. How do I know? Because he wrote all the time. He was intimate, cordial, unapologetic, and upfront. He was also highly respectful of others. He didn’t blow people off, and even though he occasionally offended, he was engaging.
People give their time, thoughtfully composing something important enough to set aside other priorities. If we devalue that, even unintentionally, we fail them. It’s not hard to change; in fact, it’s robotically simple. You don’t even need to type anymore. Gmail gives you little boxes at the bottom of your phone with preset replies like: “Awesome,” or “Got it,” or even slightly more respectful, “Thank you. I’ll let you know.” You literally have to touch your finger to the screen twice. It may be sad, but it’s better than marginalizing the people you care about.
Let’s make communication and people a priority. Let’s go about our business and make time for the people in our circle.
Here are some practical suggestions:
- Turn off your phone when you go over to someone’s home, or even leave it in the car. Be fully present and let the person you are visiting know you value their time.
- Make a point of writing people back. It can be every day at a certain time (maybe while drinking coffee), a few “correspondence days” a week, or at the very least once a week. It’s not hard, and it really doesn’t take much time, but the value is incalculable.
- Take a day off, a Sabbath. Don’t be legalistic about it, just leave a day open to spend with your family to watch a movie or read a book, or take part in some other form of leisure. Enjoy His creation, and give thanks for it.
- Be honest and take a personal accounting. Include your spouse or children in the conversation. It may be that something on your plate needs to go.
Maybe our circles are too large, and we need to shore up priorities and relationships we’ve neglected. Make time, or make changes, because we should never be too busy to affirm the ones we care about, or we will fail in the things we’re passionate about.