Make it stop, make it stop!
There I was, innocently strolling the asiles of the grocery store looking for the good taco shells– what passes for good taco shells in Alaska, anyway — when the assault occurred.
Ooh baby do you know what that’s worth.
Oh God.
Ooh heaven is a place on earth…
Nooo, make it stop.
But Belinda Carlisle just kept on singing; didn’t care a rip that she’d be in my head for the next ten minutes minimum till I could dash through the checkout, which I did post haste.
When I got to my car the beast had departed, and I forgot about her. But then, a few minutes later as I was driving to the gas station a small voice began singing behind me, like a serial killer hiding in the back seat.
Oooh baby do you know what that’s worth…
Stooooop.
I tried to hit the radio buttons since I was driving, but couldn’t sync the phone’s bluetooth. I was almost to the gas station. Just hang on a few more seconds. You can make it.
I parked, I pumped, but Belinda just sang louder. Like a t-800 terminator, she doesn’t feel pain, or remorse, or pity, and she absolutely will not stop ever, until you are dead. It even sounds like she’s smiling.
We make heaven a place on earth.
Maybe I could do something drastic, like sick Carl Orff on her:
…oooooFortunaaaaa!
But then, a savior. Aide arrived from an unexpected source, Gandalf on his white horse Shadowfax, in the form of a young black woman in a white sport coupe who flew into a stop at the pump across from me with Journey blaring out her lowered windows.
Don’t stop believing. Hold on to that feeling.
Yeeeessss!
She was singing and dancing and I wanted to run over and hug her, but instead I just sang along with Steve Perry and pumped my gas in victory. The young woman and I may have been separated by race, gender, and a generation, but on this day we fought, side by side. Belinda’s defeat was total, and Belinda knew it.
Belinda bowed her head
Because she knew that she’d been beat
And she laid that golden mic
On the ground at Steve’s feet
Steve said, “Belinda, just come on back
If you ever want to try again
I done told you once you GoGo girl
Journey’s the best that’s ever been.”